Coming Home to You with Toilet Paper on My Shoe

by Ben Balivet

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  • Immediate download of 15-track album in the high-quality format of your choice (MP3, FLAC, and more), plus unlimited mobile access using the free Bandcamp listening app.

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about

This album was recorded at Wax Poetic Studios on Bainbridge Island, Washington by Brett Phillips. All songs were written and performed (mostly ...see below) by Ben Balivet.

credits

released 23 June 2012
Brett Phillips appears on Track 1 (If Kisses Were Currency), Track 2 (She's Wearing Out Her Welcome) and Track 6 (Break Some Beds). Ari Phillips played tambourine on Track 7 (Sliver).

Thanks dudes

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about

Ben Balivet Anchorage, Alaska

Ben Balivet learned to be musical by watching his older siblings and listening to a ton of vinyl while growing up on the East Coast and in Alaska. Ben settled on the guitar and piano after having taken lessons on the bagpipe (practice chanter), drums and the recorder. Song writing came naturally to Ben and he wrote songs at age 13 as soon as he learned guitar. Most of them sucked, but avail he did ... more

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Track Name: If Kisses Were Currency
If Kisses Were Currency
Surely girl I would be
Rich as a man could be
Rich as a man could be
Your pretty glance
Was a hit down in France
Where they don't wear no clothes
They just let the breeze blow
If you were the event
Oh girl I'd hop the fence
I would risk my whole life for you
And Id do it twice

If your smile was gold
I would fill my bill fold
Till it burst at the seam
And tore a hole in my jeans
I couldn't stand I'd have to lean
Oh how embarrassing
I hope my cell phone don't ring
And all the while I'd just sing


If Kisses Were Currency
Surely girl I would be
Rich as a man could be
Rich as a man could be
Your pretty glance
Was a hit down in France
Where they don't wear no clothes
They just let the breeze blow
If you were the event
Oh girl I'd hop the fence
I would risk my whole life for you
And Id do it twice

It's your story tell it
And I'd bottle and sell it
If I thought it would sell
I'd buy this hotel
Although it really aint that nice
The shower was cold as ice
and the food tasted bland
and our waitress was a man
The bellboy was high
I could tell by his eyes
I saw him run into a wall
I don't know how he didn't fall
He went head over back
But never once lost his hat
He must be an acrobat
But if he can do that
He shouldn't be workin' here
Making fifteen bucks a year
Carrying bags for rich folks
Spending all his money on dope
And if he just had a dream
And a little self-esteem
He'd get on out of here
No where was I at
I really must be gettin' back
But if I remember right it was the middle of the night
And I was holdin ya
holdin ya
holdin ya tight

If Kisses Were Currency
Surely girl I would be
Rich as a man could be
Rich as a man could be
x8
Track Name: She's Wearin' Out Her Welcome
She's Wearin' a dress
It's pretty I guess
She's wearin' a frown
She's wearin' out her welcome
She's wearin' high heels
The color of teal
She's wearin' perfume
She's wearin' out her welcome

She's wearin' a mink
I just saw it blink
She's wearin' a thong
She's wearin' out her welcome

The honey moon's gone sister
She's still holdin' on
Some would say she is strong
But it's time to move on

There's a hole in the mat
Where welcome was at
What's the connection?
She's wearin' out her welcome

She's wearin' a dress
It's pretty I guess
She's wearin' a frown
She's wearin' out her welcome
She's wearin' high heels
The color of teal
She's wearin' a frown
She's wearin' out her weclome
She's wearin' a mink
I just saw it blink
She's wearin' a thong
She's wearin' out her welcome
Track Name: You Can Have It
If you ask you can get
Anything you can have it
It matters not
Small or big
Anything reach out and grab it
And you rise high above
Make it love
Or breakin' a habit
You can have it

(instrumental)

There's a way
There has to be
Everything has a reason
There aint a hair out of place
To everything
There is a season
And you know what you want
Go out and grab it

You can have it (X4)
Track Name: Embarrassed for the Moon
Let's pretend we don't speak english
And all our words just come out gibberish
We'll dress up like elves
And go stuff ourselves

When the waitress drops the check
We'll put on wigs and run like heck
And blend into some crowd
While they cheer and shout

Later we'll recline
Up upon the spine
Of the Brooklyn Bridge
And we'll giggle just like kids

You may say your sorry
But I know you're not
From the second story they must think that we are astronauts

I'm embarrassed for the moon
So naked and so soon
Plain for all the world to see
Has it got no decency

You may say your lonely
But I know you're not
I'm your one and only
And together we can take a shot

My eyes you have mistook
For a hanger or a hook
Upon which you have hung your look
Think of all the time it took
Track Name: Night of the Ninth
Drop dead gorgeous
Sensuous and sweet
One look at her will knock you right of your feet
Sit back baby everything will be fine
Where were you on the night of the ninth
Night of the ninth (X2)

Well she wears more diamonds than a french chandelier
A million dollars from ear to ear
Chances are that dame stole every dime
Where were you on the night of the ninth
Night of the ninth (X2)

Well on the 8th you were in Paris
And on the 10th you were in Spain
And as I stood out on the terrace
A little bird whispered your name

A stammerin' steward with somethin' to hide
Sings like a canary when he's drunk on red wine
A shaky story ...You say your train was on time?
Where were you on the night of the ninth
Night of the ninth (X2)

With one little pinky that dude could break your spine
But to your face he's so gentle and kind
A missin' knife from the table when the dinner bell chimes
Where were you on the night of the ninth

Night of the ninth (X2)

Was it a tugboat out in Athens
A train to Hungary
I'm afraid something bad might happen
When the wind starts to shake your tree

Sweaty hands a tight smile on frown lines
Chain smokin' I can hear your teeth grind
A phone call so perfectly timed
Where were you on the night of the ninth

Night of the ninth (x3)
Track Name: Break some beds
It's sunny
Sunny and cold
I'm funny and bold
Let's get together
And break some beds

My room is very rented
Your perfume is very scented
Let's get together and break some beds

My favorite thing
Is the sound of the bed springs
I heard a crack
Comin' from your small and pretty back

I know this motel
I know it quite well
It's on the dark side of town
It's called the No Tell Motel

On the first floor
They can hear her cryin for more
If they complain
It's cause they wish they was doin'
The same

You can ride my handlebars
My handle bar mustache
You don't need to go far
You don't need to go fast

As she shakes
It feels like an earthquake
And as she moans
It feels like a marchin' band trombone

My room is very rented
Your perfume is very scented
Let's get together and break some
Let's get together and break some (X2)

Break some beds
Track Name: Sliver
In the grandios specrtrum of things
I aint nothing but a fellow with things
It is all grandiose
I aint gonna die of halitosis of the liver
To deliver
Just a sliver

Circus money spent on a pack of Kents
Sittin' out with nothing but wet cigarettes
No one's gonna bother
Except for the midnight jogger
to deliver
Just a sliver

I aint like all those other guys
They sit around making plans never take off
Let alone ever land
I do that too but I still feel Im different
It aint nothing but spontanuity
Nothing like old fashion enginuity

To deliver
Just a sliver
To deliver
Just a sliver

In the grandiose spectrum of things
I aint nothing but a fellow with a few things
It is all grandiose
I aint gonna die of halitosis of the liver
To deliver
Just a sliver

(X2)
Track Name: One Legged Cop
There is a fire
That's burning inside of me
No one can put it out
Go on and try it out
Pushing and pullin' contestants try to be first
Only to find that their prize is a ride in a hearse

Slithering sideways she makes her way down the street
No one can catch her they run in their bear feet
Answers to questions that no one has ever asked
No one has told a joke but I can hear you laugh

Im bein' chased around town by a one legged cop
And I'm waitin for the other foot to
Drop in and see me you'll like what I'm seein
Spot polka dots waitin for the other foot to

Drop
Track Name: Miss Lillywhite
Madame Louise
Still as the breeze
She's got a lot on her mind

Madame Lucille
Straight as the Wheel
She's drinking bottles of wine

Madame Lareaux
She's in quite a mood
She's screaming all of the time

Don't just stand there
Don't just stand there

You've got a lot of explaining to do

Miss Lillywhite
She won the full bright
She went and dealt cards in Vegas
Miss Understood
Rode on the hood
Screaming:
Nobody Here Can Take Us!
Miss Sally Brass
She lost all the cash
Now all three of them are screaming:
Don't just stand there
Don't just stand there

You've got a lot of explaining to do

Late last night
Miss Lilly White
She was a cryin' and screamin'
She hopped on a train
In the pourin' rain
I thought I musta been dreamin'
She could be in France
She could be in Spain
Wherever she is she's screamin:

Don't just stand there
Don't just stand there

You've got a lot of explaining to do
Track Name: Right Man for the Job
He's never been kind
He's never polite
He's out of his mind
Oh but he's the right man for the job

He's ugly as sin
His face is ghostly white
You can never trust him
Oh... He's the right man for the job

These are desperate times
You must do what you can
And in the end you might fine
Your enemy has become your friend

He's the subject of your
All your angst and your spite
Don't let him walk through your door
Oh...he's the right man for the job

RIght through the seams
The light of your heart
As you reach for your dreams
Turn around and face your darkest part

Don't ever trust him with your mom
Don't let him out of your site
Well he'll go off like a bomb
But oh he's the right man
oh....he's the right man

Oh he's the right man for the job
Track Name: Out in Inner Tubes
Come take my hand
Hold it in your hand
Hold it forever

Life is a dream
Strange though it might seem
It goes on forever

Floating down the river
Out in inner tubes
My whole body shivers
Every time
I think of you

Venus and Mars
And all the night stars
It goes on forever

I've been underground
Look at what I've found
It goes on forever

Floating down the river
Out in inner tubes
I've got nothing to give her
Only my platitudes

Floating down the river
Out in inner tubes
My whole body shivers
Every time I think of you

Baby don't weep
My love goes so deep
It goes on forever
Track Name: Who's Runnin' This Show?
Who's runnin' this show
Well I want to know
Is it Rockefellar
Or old Helen Keller
Tell me for sure

Is it love?
Is it time?
Or is it somethin'
much more divine?
Some alien from space?
Or some familiar face?

Can you tell me for sure?
who's runnin' this show?

(instrumental)

Who's runnin' this show
Is it God above?
or is it just all the money, sex and drugs?
Tell me I want to know

Is it love?
Is it time?
Or is it somethin'
much more divine?
Some alien from space?
Or some familiar face?
Can you tell me for sure?
Tell me and I'll be yours

Who's runnin' this show? (X3)
Track Name: There's a Girl I Know
There's a girl I know
She's from Tokyo
I met her on line
Man is she fine
And one day I'm gonna go
I'll sell my truck
For 800 bucks
And a ticket to Tokyo

And when I get there
I'll finally cut my hair
We'll go to a sushi bar
and drive in small cars
And sing karaoke all night
I'll tell her the truth
About my font tooth and how I lost it in a bar fight

Won't someone tell me how I can win this girl's heart
Some say that love is a science some say it's an art

She says:
I need you more than a bed needs linen
I'm dizzier than a top that's spinning
I'm on a train and it's movin' faster
Tryin' to avoid another disaster

Well I finally went
My whole wad was spent
The girl was a guy
It was all a big lie
I fell for the evil plan
I should have known
By the mustache she'd grown
And the pink triangle on the van

Won't somebody tell me how I can get out of this place?
I came here for love now I must leave in disgrace.

She says:
I need you more than a bed needs linen
I'm dizzier than a top that's spinning
I'm on a train and it's movin' faster
Tryin' to avoid another disaster

The moral of this story of love
Don't believe what you see
Take it from me
Stay away from those online sites
The prettiest girl in all of the world
Is probably some dude in disguise
Track Name: Way Too Long
I've been singin' your song for way too long (x2)

You've been tellin' me that I don't belong
I've been singin' your song for way too long
Why just change the tune?
It can't happen too soon.
I've been singin' your song for way too long

Ive been singin your song for way too long (x2)
You've been sayin' Im weak when I know I'm strong

Why kick a dead mule
Didn't you learn that in school

Way too long (x4)
Track Name: Ceiling of the Sun
The music of the moon
Could cause the sea to swoon
The ceiling of the sun
Is cracked and through it water runs

Can it be?
Is it true?
Has the world been kind of rough on you?
Take this song as a sign
Everything is gonna be alright.

The soul of every sound
Lies buried underground
And somewhere down there lies
The secret of the skies

Just sit back and have laugh
None of your worries will ever come to pass
Take this song it's yours to keep
Keep it with you as you fall asleep

Take this song
As a sign
Everything is gonna be
Alright