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Coming Home to You with Toilet Paper on My Shoe

by Ben Balivet

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1.
If Kisses Were Currency Surely girl I would be Rich as a man could be Rich as a man could be Your pretty glance Was a hit down in France Where they don't wear no clothes They just let the breeze blow If you were the event Oh girl I'd hop the fence I would risk my whole life for you And Id do it twice If your smile was gold I would fill my bill fold Till it burst at the seam And tore a hole in my jeans I couldn't stand I'd have to lean Oh how embarrassing I hope my cell phone don't ring And all the while I'd just sing If Kisses Were Currency Surely girl I would be Rich as a man could be Rich as a man could be Your pretty glance Was a hit down in France Where they don't wear no clothes They just let the breeze blow If you were the event Oh girl I'd hop the fence I would risk my whole life for you And Id do it twice It's your story tell it And I'd bottle and sell it If I thought it would sell I'd buy this hotel Although it really aint that nice The shower was cold as ice and the food tasted bland and our waitress was a man The bellboy was high I could tell by his eyes I saw him run into a wall I don't know how he didn't fall He went head over back But never once lost his hat He must be an acrobat But if he can do that He shouldn't be workin' here Making fifteen bucks a year Carrying bags for rich folks Spending all his money on dope And if he just had a dream And a little self-esteem He'd get on out of here No where was I at I really must be gettin' back But if I remember right it was the middle of the night And I was holdin ya holdin ya holdin ya tight If Kisses Were Currency Surely girl I would be Rich as a man could be Rich as a man could be x8
2.
She's Wearin' a dress It's pretty I guess She's wearin' a frown She's wearin' out her welcome She's wearin' high heels The color of teal She's wearin' perfume She's wearin' out her welcome She's wearin' a mink I just saw it blink She's wearin' a thong She's wearin' out her welcome The honey moon's gone sister She's still holdin' on Some would say she is strong But it's time to move on There's a hole in the mat Where welcome was at What's the connection? She's wearin' out her welcome She's wearin' a dress It's pretty I guess She's wearin' a frown She's wearin' out her welcome She's wearin' high heels The color of teal She's wearin' a frown She's wearin' out her weclome She's wearin' a mink I just saw it blink She's wearin' a thong She's wearin' out her welcome
3.
If you ask you can get Anything you can have it It matters not Small or big Anything reach out and grab it And you rise high above Make it love Or breakin' a habit You can have it (instrumental) There's a way There has to be Everything has a reason There aint a hair out of place To everything There is a season And you know what you want Go out and grab it You can have it (X4)
4.
Let's pretend we don't speak english And all our words just come out gibberish We'll dress up like elves And go stuff ourselves When the waitress drops the check We'll put on wigs and run like heck And blend into some crowd While they cheer and shout Later we'll recline Up upon the spine Of the Brooklyn Bridge And we'll giggle just like kids You may say your sorry But I know you're not From the second story they must think that we are astronauts I'm embarrassed for the moon So naked and so soon Plain for all the world to see Has it got no decency You may say your lonely But I know you're not I'm your one and only And together we can take a shot My eyes you have mistook For a hanger or a hook Upon which you have hung your look Think of all the time it took
5.
Drop dead gorgeous Sensuous and sweet One look at her will knock you right of your feet Sit back baby everything will be fine Where were you on the night of the ninth Night of the ninth (X2) Well she wears more diamonds than a french chandelier A million dollars from ear to ear Chances are that dame stole every dime Where were you on the night of the ninth Night of the ninth (X2) Well on the 8th you were in Paris And on the 10th you were in Spain And as I stood out on the terrace A little bird whispered your name A stammerin' steward with somethin' to hide Sings like a canary when he's drunk on red wine A shaky story ...You say your train was on time? Where were you on the night of the ninth Night of the ninth (X2) With one little pinky that dude could break your spine But to your face he's so gentle and kind A missin' knife from the table when the dinner bell chimes Where were you on the night of the ninth Night of the ninth (X2) Was it a tugboat out in Athens A train to Hungary I'm afraid something bad might happen When the wind starts to shake your tree Sweaty hands a tight smile on frown lines Chain smokin' I can hear your teeth grind A phone call so perfectly timed Where were you on the night of the ninth Night of the ninth (x3)
6.
It's sunny Sunny and cold I'm funny and bold Let's get together And break some beds My room is very rented Your perfume is very scented Let's get together and break some beds My favorite thing Is the sound of the bed springs I heard a crack Comin' from your small and pretty back I know this motel I know it quite well It's on the dark side of town It's called the No Tell Motel On the first floor They can hear her cryin for more If they complain It's cause they wish they was doin' The same You can ride my handlebars My handle bar mustache You don't need to go far You don't need to go fast As she shakes It feels like an earthquake And as she moans It feels like a marchin' band trombone My room is very rented Your perfume is very scented Let's get together and break some Let's get together and break some (X2) Break some beds
7.
Sliver 03:25
In the grandios specrtrum of things I aint nothing but a fellow with things It is all grandiose I aint gonna die of halitosis of the liver To deliver Just a sliver Circus money spent on a pack of Kents Sittin' out with nothing but wet cigarettes No one's gonna bother Except for the midnight jogger to deliver Just a sliver I aint like all those other guys They sit around making plans never take off Let alone ever land I do that too but I still feel Im different It aint nothing but spontanuity Nothing like old fashion enginuity To deliver Just a sliver To deliver Just a sliver In the grandiose spectrum of things I aint nothing but a fellow with a few things It is all grandiose I aint gonna die of halitosis of the liver To deliver Just a sliver (X2)
8.
There is a fire That's burning inside of me No one can put it out Go on and try it out Pushing and pullin' contestants try to be first Only to find that their prize is a ride in a hearse Slithering sideways she makes her way down the street No one can catch her they run in their bear feet Answers to questions that no one has ever asked No one has told a joke but I can hear you laugh Im bein' chased around town by a one legged cop And I'm waitin for the other foot to Drop in and see me you'll like what I'm seein Spot polka dots waitin for the other foot to Drop
9.
Madame Louise Still as the breeze She's got a lot on her mind Madame Lucille Straight as the Wheel She's drinking bottles of wine Madame Lareaux She's in quite a mood She's screaming all of the time Don't just stand there Don't just stand there You've got a lot of explaining to do Miss Lillywhite She won the full bright She went and dealt cards in Vegas Miss Understood Rode on the hood Screaming: Nobody Here Can Take Us! Miss Sally Brass She lost all the cash Now all three of them are screaming: Don't just stand there Don't just stand there You've got a lot of explaining to do Late last night Miss Lilly White She was a cryin' and screamin' She hopped on a train In the pourin' rain I thought I musta been dreamin' She could be in France She could be in Spain Wherever she is she's screamin: Don't just stand there Don't just stand there You've got a lot of explaining to do
10.
He's never been kind He's never polite He's out of his mind Oh but he's the right man for the job He's ugly as sin His face is ghostly white You can never trust him Oh... He's the right man for the job These are desperate times You must do what you can And in the end you might fine Your enemy has become your friend He's the subject of your All your angst and your spite Don't let him walk through your door Oh...he's the right man for the job RIght through the seams The light of your heart As you reach for your dreams Turn around and face your darkest part Don't ever trust him with your mom Don't let him out of your site Well he'll go off like a bomb But oh he's the right man oh....he's the right man Oh he's the right man for the job
11.
Come take my hand Hold it in your hand Hold it forever Life is a dream Strange though it might seem It goes on forever Floating down the river Out in inner tubes My whole body shivers Every time I think of you Venus and Mars And all the night stars It goes on forever I've been underground Look at what I've found It goes on forever Floating down the river Out in inner tubes I've got nothing to give her Only my platitudes Floating down the river Out in inner tubes My whole body shivers Every time I think of you Baby don't weep My love goes so deep It goes on forever
12.
Who's runnin' this show Well I want to know Is it Rockefellar Or old Helen Keller Tell me for sure Is it love? Is it time? Or is it somethin' much more divine? Some alien from space? Or some familiar face? Can you tell me for sure? who's runnin' this show? (instrumental) Who's runnin' this show Is it God above? or is it just all the money, sex and drugs? Tell me I want to know Is it love? Is it time? Or is it somethin' much more divine? Some alien from space? Or some familiar face? Can you tell me for sure? Tell me and I'll be yours Who's runnin' this show? (X3)
13.
There's a girl I know She's from Tokyo I met her on line Man is she fine And one day I'm gonna go I'll sell my truck For 800 bucks And a ticket to Tokyo And when I get there I'll finally cut my hair We'll go to a sushi bar and drive in small cars And sing karaoke all night I'll tell her the truth About my font tooth and how I lost it in a bar fight Won't someone tell me how I can win this girl's heart Some say that love is a science some say it's an art She says: I need you more than a bed needs linen I'm dizzier than a top that's spinning I'm on a train and it's movin' faster Tryin' to avoid another disaster Well I finally went My whole wad was spent The girl was a guy It was all a big lie I fell for the evil plan I should have known By the mustache she'd grown And the pink triangle on the van Won't somebody tell me how I can get out of this place? I came here for love now I must leave in disgrace. She says: I need you more than a bed needs linen I'm dizzier than a top that's spinning I'm on a train and it's movin' faster Tryin' to avoid another disaster The moral of this story of love Don't believe what you see Take it from me Stay away from those online sites The prettiest girl in all of the world Is probably some dude in disguise
14.
Way Too Long 02:24
I've been singin' your song for way too long (x2) You've been tellin' me that I don't belong I've been singin' your song for way too long Why just change the tune? It can't happen too soon. I've been singin' your song for way too long Ive been singin your song for way too long (x2) You've been sayin' Im weak when I know I'm strong Why kick a dead mule Didn't you learn that in school Way too long (x4)
15.
The music of the moon Could cause the sea to swoon The ceiling of the sun Is cracked and through it water runs Can it be? Is it true? Has the world been kind of rough on you? Take this song as a sign Everything is gonna be alright. The soul of every sound Lies buried underground And somewhere down there lies The secret of the skies Just sit back and have laugh None of your worries will ever come to pass Take this song it's yours to keep Keep it with you as you fall asleep Take this song As a sign Everything is gonna be Alright

about

This album was recorded at Wax Poetic Studios on Bainbridge Island, Washington by Brett Phillips. All songs were written and performed (mostly ...see below) by Ben Balivet.

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released June 23, 2012

Brett Phillips appears on Track 1 (If Kisses Were Currency), Track 2 (She's Wearing Out Her Welcome) and Track 6 (Break Some Beds). Ari Phillips played tambourine on Track 7 (Sliver).

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Ben Balivet Anchorage, Alaska

Ben Balivet learned to be musical by watching his older siblings and listening to a ton of vinyl while growing up on the East Coast and in Alaska. Ben settled on the guitar and piano after having taken lessons on the bagpipe (practice chanter), drums and the recorder. Song writing came naturally to Ben and he wrote songs at age 13 as soon as he learned guitar. Most of them sucked, but avail he did ... more

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